Obama Arrested For Marijuana...

Barack Obama's younger brother George Obama has been arrested for possession of marijuana.  "I was always told my big brother Barry set the perfect example of how to behave.  So I have always tried to do what he has done.  I can't afford the cocaine he could so I stick strictly to pot.  Barry did it and so do I."  His Husseiness has responded by saying, "I walk on water too but I never wanted George W. to follow that closely in my footsteps."  According to his autobiographical book Dreams and Hallucinations From My Father Barack Obama has described his younger brother as "that handsome, roundheaded boy with a wary gaze.  You know kind of like Charlie Brown with the munchies.  He was always after my stash when we would meet up at family reunions in our childhood home in Kenya.  I mean Hawaii."

George W. Obama

A Deeper Bond Between Veeps

Vice President Joe Biden announced today that he and former Vice President Dick Cheney have a larger connection than just sharing the title of Vice President.  It turns out the two are not only blood relatives they are in truth conjoined twins.  Biden felt he could no longer hide his relationship with his predecessor.  "It's true," Biden said at a press conference Monday morning.  "Dick and I are conjoined twins.  It hasn't been easy for us to hide this fact but I think over the years we have done pretty well to lead our own lives."

Doctor's at the Naval Hospital in Bethesda, Maryland joined the twins for the press conference to explain how the twins are conjoined.  "Mr. Biden's right had is fused with Mr. Cheney's left buttocks," Dr. Willie Budge divulged during the question and answer session.  "It really would be a low risk operation to separate the two but until we have signed consent forms from both men we cannot operate."

When asked to comment Dick Cheney came clean.  "Yes, I will admit that Joe is my twin.  I have wanted to be separated since childhood but he just wont let go.  We are polar opposites on just about everything in life.  I'm Republican, he's Democrat.  I'm Protestant, he's Catholic.  I'm straight, he's...never mind.  About the only thing we agree on is our wardrobe."

When asked how they were able to conceal their connection for so many years Cheney replied, "Our secret is a shared sense of humor.  When we were young kids would ask me what was that thing on my butt.  Before I could answer Joey would respond with 'it's a brain tumor!'  Boy howdy he would have those kids in stitches.  I never got the joke though."

Statue of the Messiah to Be Unveiled

A statue of the Second Son of God is set to be unveiled in the rotunda of the nation's Capital building on Tuesday to mark the end of the first historic week of Barack Hussein Obama's earthly reign as deity. His Obamaness personally commissioned the artwork in 2001 when he prophesied that he would ascend the royal throne in Washington without completing his first term in the Senate. Sources close to his royal highness say that Obama first envisioned during one of his cocaine snorting sprees in college. "I was really snorting up the coke this one time," the Second Son revealed in Dreams From My Father, "suddenly I started having this auditory hallucination. Only I know it couldn't have been a hallucination because it was God talking to me. And I know his voice when I hear it. He sounds a lot like James Earl Jones in Star Wars, only without the heavy breathing. And he says to me 'Luke', which is a nickname God has for me. And I said, 'Yes Dad?' And he says, 'Luke, I'm your father.' And I said, 'I know Dad, what's up?' And he says, 'Have a statue made of yourself revealing your true nature.' And I said to him, 'You mean as World Champion of Frogger?' And Dad replied, 'No you idiot! You are the Savior of the World. Through you the imprisoned will go free, the dead will be raised at luncheons and women around the world will get free abortions paid for by the American tax payer.' And I took another snort and said, 'Cool!' And then Dad said, 'Have it made out of paper mache to say something about your strength. Have it stand three and three quarter cubits tall.' And I interupted and said, 'Dude, that's way too many details right now.' And that is all I remember."

The statue of the Second Son will be on display starting January 27, 2009 until Obama gets another epiphany concerning his deity.

Number Two Guy...

The Number Two Guy to the Second Son of God is already looking for outside work after less than a week in his new post.  "It's inevitable," Joe Biden said at the close of the first week of the new administration, "when you are the wing man for someone who is perfect and is able to do anything and everything there is to do it leaves you with lots of time on your hands."  So what has Tail Gunner Joe taken on as his new passion?  Why hawking Trident Gum of course.  Fans of the veneered Vice President can visit www.joebidensteeth.com and get a free pack of gum for posting their own picture.

 

With the growing popularity of Joe Biden's Teeth web site there are plans for the idle Vice President to advertise for other companies.  In the works are other Joe Biden oriented web sites.  Slated for release soon is joebidenshairline.com, joebidensappendixscar.com and joebidensweakbladder.com.  Hopefully some of these websites wont be as accurately illustrated as Joe Biden's Teeth.

Let My People Go...

Images of Martin Luther King Jr. giving his famous "I have a dream" speech on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial were conjured up this week by the newly enthroned Second Son of God. During this, the first week of his deities reign Barack Obama reached out to the people of the world.

In the beginning Barrack Obama had Al Gore invent the Internet. And Barack saw the Internet and said, "This is good for spreading my message." And it was good for spreading his message and getting young moldable minds to jump on his band wagon. And the young moldable moldable minds said, "Hey this dude is cooler than the old dudes running for whatever they are running for." And Barrack said, "This is really, really good."

And on the first day of Barack reign as Second Son of God he said, "Let there be light!" And there was light as Hollywood Stars appeared in Washington DC. And yeah verily, verily they had a wonderful time for they got to see their Savior up close and personal. And again Barack said, "This is really, really good. For these are people who financed my rise to power. These are blessed people who knew how to get media attention. These are my kind of people."

In the first week of the Second's Son of God's reign he said, "Let there be freedom for the oppressed in Gitmo. Let my brothers be free to leave that wretched place." And verily, verily he scribbled on a piece of paper his holy name and the way was created for the poor and afflicted to leave Gitmo. And the prophet said, "And some of those poor and afflicted now in Gitmo will return and become joyous members of al-Qaida once again. For they shall follow in the footsteps of their brother Said Ali al-Shihri." And Obama said this as all good. And Barack broke forth in song singing:

When al-Qaida was in Cuba land,
Let My people go!
Oppressed so hard they could not stand,
Let My people go!

No more shall they in bondage toil,
Let My people go!
Let them come out with America's spoil,
Let My people go!

Oh, let us all from bondage flee,
Let My people go!
And let us all in Barack be free,
Let My people go!

You need not always weep and mourn,
Let My people go!
And wear these detainee chains forlorn,
Let My people go!

Your foes shall not before you stand,
Let My people go!
And you’ll possess fair American land,
Let My people go!

And the holy one said in a loud voice, "If these poor souls shall remain on American soil let them go to the land of my mother! For I shall send the to Kansas. To the very heart of this country." And again he broke forth in song singing:

This land was your land, this land is now my land

From California, to the New York Island

From the redwood forest, to the gulf steam waters

This land was made just for me

Inauguration Day Miracles!!!

It didn't take any time at all for the second son of God to begin performing miracles. Barry Obama had barely taken the throne when his true deity began to shine. First he blessed the vast numbers of religious faithful who attended his ascendancy to the highest position in the known universe. Federal officials were estimating two to three million people were planning to attending. Officials from the Million Man March say the number was much closer to two billion.

The festivities did not go on without a few protests. One protester was captured on camera demonstrating that he felt Obama had no place in government.

While close followers of the second son of God have long awaited his first official miracle they were surprised to find what that miracle turned out to be. Many had speculated that Barrack would demonstrate his deity by walking across the Potomac. Earlier thoughts had him doing this same miracle on a smaller scale by walking across the reflecting pool in front of the Lincoln Memorial. After Steve Carrell accomplished the reflecting pool walk in last summer's movie Get Smart, religious pundits figured Obama would have to kick the old walk on water routine up a few notches.

The debate rages at this moment over the true first miracle performed on inauguration day. Some say it is the lavish luncheon served to dignitaries. Rumor has it that the seafood stew, duck, pheasant, sweet potatoes, winter vegetables and cinnamon apple sponge cake all started off as a can of Starkist Tuna, a loaf of Wonder Bread and a half used jar of Miracle Whip. Washington insiders say that Obama himself appeared in the early morning hours of inauguration day and blended those items together to form the lavish meal served that day. Apparantly there were so many left overs from the meal someone proposed feeding it to the five thousand homeless people forced to leave Washington DC while Hollywood elite were in town. In the end Michael Moore just took the extra food home in a very, very large doggie bag.

The rival for first official inaugural day miracle also revolved around the famed luncheon. When Senator Byrd and Senator Kennedy simulataneously died during the soup course pandemonium occured. Kennedy fell face first into his bowl of seafood stew. Someone yelled out, "Swim Teddy, swim! We thought you could swim!" Obama stood up and calmly walked over to the two dead Senators and pronounced, "Senators, Arise!" A doctor in attendance quickly pronounced the two fallen senators to be alive and somewhat well. In a later statement the doctor also said that Kennedy in particular looked very well preserved. Of course he also said with the amount of alcohol in his system Kennedy would likely never need to be enbalmed.

So dear readers you can decide which miracle was truly first on inauguration day. Until next time...

Welcome...

This is a tongue-firmly planted-in-cheek blog concerning the apparent deity of Barrack Hussein Obama. We will be exploring his many god-like traits as touted by Hollywood, Michael Moore and the other devoted members of the religious left.