Obama Appears At Star Trek Convention

The Second Son of God made a surprise appearance at a Star Trek convention in St. Louis Missouri over the weekend.  For the most part his eminence simply stood and nodded his head repeatedly.  He did make a brief speech between appearances of George Takei, the first openly gay Trek star, and Armin Shimerman, the first Trek star to request Federal funding to bail out his restaurant chain Quarks!  In his brief and unenlightening speech the President said,

"I have always been a Trekkie at heart.  Star Trek was one of the first TV series to cast an African American in a pivotal role.  I can't recall who it was or what the character did.  But I did hear she got a lip lock from the Captain.  I know that must have inspired my parents.  Only I was already born by then so what did it matter really?"

Obama Gives Americans the Finger

In an effort to keep up with the increased costs of running the White House kitchen for the upscale living style of the new White House residents the Official White House Chef, Cristeta Comerford, has made a deal with Swanson Brand frozen foods to release an Official White House favorite of the new President to the public.  Obama-Fingers, breaded chicken breast strips with a curry dip, are set to hit America's grocery stores sometime in April.  Already being test-marketed in Obama-crazy Germany a company representative is excited about the food's reception. 

"Ve knew das chicken vas vunderba vid de breading ala Americans.  Dis Curry Sauce is de real kicker," Swanson's German spokesman, Adolph Himler, was quoted as saying.  "Ve Germans are very taken vid Obama.  He reminds us ov a past ruler ov our beloved Fatherland.  So many similarities, yah?"  Himler declined to identify the German ruler he was referring to but he did imply that he was quite pleased the new American dictator was already in close goose-step with the illustrious leader of whom he spoke.

When asked about the choice of food for the initial offering from Swanson, White House Chef Comerfod said, "At first I was reluctant to go with the chicken.  I mean really, what would the NAACP say?  So I broached the subject with the Second Son of God himself.  He asked who the NAACP was and I reminded him.  Then he said he had no problem with the dish, especially since it was made from white meat.  He told me he prefers the white meat and really only has use for the dark meat during elections and when trying to get sympathy for a new spending bill."

Obama making bold moves...

In an effort to out program FDR, Obama has announced he plans to create so many programs in this country the current economic crisis should last well into the next century.  With the new stimulus plan God's Second Son plans to employ millions of illegal aliens in secure government jobs. "With my proposed programs we will turn those illegals into productive members of American society.  I've covered all the bases.  They will be working for the government so they won't need to worry about being harassed in the work place by INS agents.  And no matter how lousy of a job they might do they can't get fired because I say they can't.  So it will make the employment numbers much better than they are now."  When asked where all the money for his stimulus package will come from his regalness answered, "I have that covered too.  I have put Rod Blagojevich in charge of raising the funds necessary to cover the hundreds of billions needed for the stimulus package.  Knowing how quickly he filled my senate seat and how much he got for it this should be a breeze for him.  He is taking a page from Bill Clinton's policy manual and we will be renting out the Lincoln bedroom on a regular basis.  I already worked out a travel deal with Castro in Cuba.  By opening up travel to Cuba we will boost their economy and I, I mean we get a kickback of 10% on every tourist dollar spent there."

Recently dethroned Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich was overjoyed at his new appointment.  "I think I have proven myself as a great fundraiser.  You wouldn't believe how much I got from Roland Burris to get God's 2nd Son's Senate Seat.  I'm rolling in dough because it's Illionois politics as usual.  I owe a lot to Lord Obama.  Afterall he does such a great job raising the dead he does it every election.  He goes to the cemetaries, raises the dead, tells them who to vote for and sends them back to their crypts afterwards.  By the way, we will be running a special on our Secretary of State Nutcrackers next month.  Don't miss out!"

Out With The Old

As part of his all encompassing administration policies The Second Son of God Barack Obama is getting rid of a lot of old things laying around Washington.  He quickly got rid of the Reagan and Bush ban on giving money to international organizations performing abortions.  "We want all the world to experience the freedom of killing unwanted babies that we have known in the country for over 35 years!"  The Washington based deity announced.

Obama has also declared that the Bush mantra of "War on Terror" is being replaced with the kinder, gentler "Hug a Muslim".  The White House announced a new program to get the children of this great nation united by creating their own "Have You Hugged A Muslim Today?" t-shirts, bumper stickers and collectable plates.

"We've got lots of great things in the works," the newly elected deity recently stated.  "We are doing away with old thinking.  This is all about change.  And everyone knows change is good.  Out with 'In God We Trust' and in with 'Obama's Da Man Fo Shizzle'.  Forget 'One Nation Under God' because it's 'Obamanation' now!   And really forget 'Right to Bear Arms' because baby, with me in office I have the right to bare arms.  You know what I'm talking about.  You've seen my ripped body in those vacation photos.  That's my kind of gun show."

Obama Arrested For Marijuana...

Barack Obama's younger brother George Obama has been arrested for possession of marijuana.  "I was always told my big brother Barry set the perfect example of how to behave.  So I have always tried to do what he has done.  I can't afford the cocaine he could so I stick strictly to pot.  Barry did it and so do I."  His Husseiness has responded by saying, "I walk on water too but I never wanted George W. to follow that closely in my footsteps."  According to his autobiographical book Dreams and Hallucinations From My Father Barack Obama has described his younger brother as "that handsome, roundheaded boy with a wary gaze.  You know kind of like Charlie Brown with the munchies.  He was always after my stash when we would meet up at family reunions in our childhood home in Kenya.  I mean Hawaii."

George W. Obama

A Deeper Bond Between Veeps

Vice President Joe Biden announced today that he and former Vice President Dick Cheney have a larger connection than just sharing the title of Vice President.  It turns out the two are not only blood relatives they are in truth conjoined twins.  Biden felt he could no longer hide his relationship with his predecessor.  "It's true," Biden said at a press conference Monday morning.  "Dick and I are conjoined twins.  It hasn't been easy for us to hide this fact but I think over the years we have done pretty well to lead our own lives."

Doctor's at the Naval Hospital in Bethesda, Maryland joined the twins for the press conference to explain how the twins are conjoined.  "Mr. Biden's right had is fused with Mr. Cheney's left buttocks," Dr. Willie Budge divulged during the question and answer session.  "It really would be a low risk operation to separate the two but until we have signed consent forms from both men we cannot operate."

When asked to comment Dick Cheney came clean.  "Yes, I will admit that Joe is my twin.  I have wanted to be separated since childhood but he just wont let go.  We are polar opposites on just about everything in life.  I'm Republican, he's Democrat.  I'm Protestant, he's Catholic.  I'm straight, he's...never mind.  About the only thing we agree on is our wardrobe."

When asked how they were able to conceal their connection for so many years Cheney replied, "Our secret is a shared sense of humor.  When we were young kids would ask me what was that thing on my butt.  Before I could answer Joey would respond with 'it's a brain tumor!'  Boy howdy he would have those kids in stitches.  I never got the joke though."

Statue of the Messiah to Be Unveiled

A statue of the Second Son of God is set to be unveiled in the rotunda of the nation's Capital building on Tuesday to mark the end of the first historic week of Barack Hussein Obama's earthly reign as deity. His Obamaness personally commissioned the artwork in 2001 when he prophesied that he would ascend the royal throne in Washington without completing his first term in the Senate. Sources close to his royal highness say that Obama first envisioned during one of his cocaine snorting sprees in college. "I was really snorting up the coke this one time," the Second Son revealed in Dreams From My Father, "suddenly I started having this auditory hallucination. Only I know it couldn't have been a hallucination because it was God talking to me. And I know his voice when I hear it. He sounds a lot like James Earl Jones in Star Wars, only without the heavy breathing. And he says to me 'Luke', which is a nickname God has for me. And I said, 'Yes Dad?' And he says, 'Luke, I'm your father.' And I said, 'I know Dad, what's up?' And he says, 'Have a statue made of yourself revealing your true nature.' And I said to him, 'You mean as World Champion of Frogger?' And Dad replied, 'No you idiot! You are the Savior of the World. Through you the imprisoned will go free, the dead will be raised at luncheons and women around the world will get free abortions paid for by the American tax payer.' And I took another snort and said, 'Cool!' And then Dad said, 'Have it made out of paper mache to say something about your strength. Have it stand three and three quarter cubits tall.' And I interupted and said, 'Dude, that's way too many details right now.' And that is all I remember."

The statue of the Second Son will be on display starting January 27, 2009 until Obama gets another epiphany concerning his deity.